Being uncomfortable

​Let's face it death makes us uncomfortable.  There is the sadness that surrounds those left behind.  No one knows what to do or say.  I have felt that way.  I have used every excuse in the book because I was uncomfortable around the family of those that have died.  

There is the awkwardness when someone does not know that he has died and ask how they are doing.

You don't know what to say so you say nothing. 

You want to give space and before you know it life takes over and months pass. 

You don't want to call because it might bother them or they might be having a bad day and it will make it worse.  Or they might be having a good day and it might make it bad.  Every day is a struggle so always call.  Who knows that maybe God giving you a nudge that that person needs you.

God is showing me that being uncomfortable is ok.  It stinks but it is ok.  I remind myself that God, Mary and Joseph were not comfortable watching their son die on the cross for me.  So why should I think Eddie's death would be comfortable.  Nothing about Eddie's death was comfortable.  Nothing about his illness was comfortable. Nothing about living without him is comfortable.

I don't want anyone to think that people are not reaching out to me because they are.  But there is almost always a note attached to the text or voicemail that says something like...I have been thinking about you but just did not know what to say or sorry I have not called but I...

I promise that most people in my position have not noticed who has not called or how long it has been since you reached out.  I am just thankful that you continue to reach out, that you continue to remember me and that you continue to love me.  Grief does not come with a handbook and it does not come with a time table.  It just takes over your life and becomes a part of who you are.  

So the next time one of these excuses comes to mind, remember that doing nothing is not what I need.  Most days all I can do is make a decision on what to wear to work and everything else gets decided on or not.  I read every text message, every facebook message, listen to every voicemail and I love everyone of them.  Some I answer and some I don't.  But I can promise you that if I can or if I want too I will answer but know that I am feeling your love no matter what. Don't stop because you think it is a bother, some days it is more than I can handle and others it is not.  

Have a blessed day and love those around you.