You started out strong and I felt healing was going well. I had a much needed time away with my boys and good friends. You brought the most precious gift in a tiny dog that I did not know I needed. I saw my boys thrive with new adventures and new jobs. Mom was settled into her new home and life appeared to be good from the outside looking in. We had survived the year of first and were moving along until that unavoidable wall of grief smacked me in the face.
Some say the 1st year is the hardest but I have found that the 2nd year brought a reality like no other. Real life is hard which make real grief even harder. I spent most of the year in a fog of self preservation. I found myself retreating from my life which can put you in vicious circle. Most people would never have noticed but I noticed yet I could do nothing to change it.
As the year closed out we found our family in a new New. This was our first Christmas without Mom. Due to her declining health and the progression of her Alzheimer's we have had to face some hard realities. Life has taken on new roles for Caryn and myself where Mom is concerned. I will tell you that hard does not even touch what this disease does. We have learned to cherish moments instead of days, to not expect anything and to role with whatever is happening. There are still a few fleeting moments that life is how it should be and we are thankful for those.
As 2019 begins, so do new adventures. Trips are being planned and memories are being made every day. I have never been a New Years Resolution person but this year I am making some New Year Promises instead.
I promise to try 1 new thing every month.
I promise to attempt to live life to the best of my ability each and every day.
I promise to forgive myself when I fail.
I promise to be kind to myself.
I promise to be intentional with those in my life.
And I promise to continue to grow in my grief.
So here is to a new New and an even better Now. Enjoy life, hug a little tighter and laugh often.