I stood at the front door alone and said, "Go be great and live your dream!"
I never could have imagined how much our lives would have changed over the past year and a half. Eddie and I always knew that the day would come that we would watch Zachary drive away moving to Colorado. He has always talked about it and we prayed for the day that he would leave to find his place in the world. On this early morning, I was filled with so much love and pride even as I watched a little more of my heart drive away. Just as I knew that my boys would never be the same one early morning in May, I know that Zachary will come back a better person than when he left and we will all be stronger than when he left. This new normal is going to be hard on all of us, especially Kade since he gets me all by myself! But we will move forward just as we have done over the last 6 months, one step at a time.
In the last 17 months our lives have changed so much. I have held my family as we lived through the most devastating time of our lives. I have watched my boys become men and grieve while trying to move forward. As a mom and God serving woman, I could not have been prouder. They served, nurtured, loved and said goodbye to there hero, friend and Dad. And then, they did what they had to do to find a way to move forward.
We have all stood bravely by as God's plan has unfolded in ways we never dreamed possible. We have seen day in and day out God's hand at work in our lives and in the lives of others. He continues to walk before us, beside us and carrying us. I have learned so much about myself and am learning to be brave walking alone. I am also learning to ask for help from others besides my boys. It is a work in progress as God teaches me that asking for help is not a weakness or a burden to others but a gift we give to ourselves and our family and friends who want to do something, anything to help. I have learned that allowing someone to help can bless me as well as them and can be a form of healing. It is something I am trying to get better at.
Eddie and I were such a close couple that we were rarely apart and often did without thinking. We were so in tune with each other that it could be one of our most frequent disagreements if we did not immediately help each other, always ending up saying,"Well you did not ask or all you had to do was ask!" Neither one of us liked to ask for help but loved to serve our Lord, each other, family and others. I am finding out that sometimes we all need help.
So as I move forward I am trying to stay connected and to allow others to give the gift of help. I am encouraging my boys to follow their dreams even if "said" dreams takes them away from Home. The key is to remember that they always have a Home to come home too.
So as this Christmas season and New Year grows near, spend as much time as you can with those you are close too. Stop for that extra hug. Take the time for that call you have been meaning to make. Take an impromptu trip for the day or week. Plan a date night or family night. BUT most importantly, love those around you and don't waste time with too many plans. God has a funny way of letting you know that your plans are not always his plans.
This past year my brother, sister and I have been intentional about making memories with our mom. She has Alziemers and the time is drawing near that she will not be able to travel anymore so we felt a need to make memories with her and our kids. I am learning a new level of patience with this disease and a whole new level of grief. I have said it before and I will say it again.
Do not waste time, make as many memories as you can! Life sometimes gets in the way of the most well laid out plans so love each other and those around you well.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours