So, here is my disclaimer because I would never want to hurt anyone with my words that might be walking this same path. I want to remind you that this is my journey and I do not discount how anyone chooses to grieve and walk in their own journey. It is a path that is so intimate and personal for each person.
Over the last couple of weeks and the deaths of friends, I have found myself wondering why it seems that some people get more than their fair share of illness, heartache or loss and others get happiness, security and love? Have you ever wonder why them or how do they do it? I have thought to myself, "Their load must be heavy", "It is so unfair" or "They are so blessed." We never know what a person is going through or has been through that shapes them into who they are at that very minute. I have found myself asking these questions about others and have found others asking this of my life. I am sure when you list out the ones I have lost to death or am loosing to Alzheimer the list seems overwhelming and the load seems heavy AND it can be. But when I look at the list, I see love, happy memories and laughter. I see vacations, church activities, soccer games and precious stolen moments. And I see, family and friends that have shared our load with meals, notes, hugs, prayers or just time. AND, I see joy and God's grace.
Now I will not say I don't have my dark, angry moments or my pity parties. I just try not to dwell in them. For me, I choose to acknowledge the pain and welcome it in but I rarely ask it to sit down and stay a while. Because as sad as I am and as much as I miss Eddie, Daddy and my grandparents, I still have my boys, my mom, my sisters, my brothers, my family and my friends and I don't want to miss out on the time with them. It would cheat them, it would cheat Eddie and it would cheat me out of living life, finding happiness in the smallest or biggest things and most importantly loving each other.
I realized that my post have been dark lately, and probably will be again, but I also wanted you all to know that I am OK, my heart is OK and my boys are OK. We are learning to live in the moment and not put too much pressure on the future. Recently, we celebrated Kade's birthday with a shrimp boil and a house full of friends. Then we went on a trip to San Francisco for mine and Eddie's anniversary. We laughed, cried, remembered and made precious memories. We are making plans for the rest of the year and we feel blessed. We continue to ask for your prayers as the holidays approach and new challenges come up. This time of year can be harder than summer because darkness comes earlier and with that darkness come quiet memories. And, with quiet memories comes tears, anxiety and loneliness.
As Fall turns into Winter, Thanksgiving into Christmas, take time to slow down and make memories. Do not let life pass you by. God is all around us in the beauty of the changing leaves and the cooler temperatures. Embarrass your kids by hugging them whenever you want too, give yourself permission to have an extra piece of pie or a new scarf and live each moment with the eyes of a child and the love of God in your heart. Always, listen to the nudge in your heart that says check on your people, who knows, it might be just what they need to make through the moment.
Be happy and make a good memory each and every day. Laugh out loud and love each other well.