If I have learned anything over the last year it is to not live by fear but in the moment. Some of my earliest memories are of being so shy it hurt. I remember feeling pain from the fear that came with being afraid. I was that child who hid behind my parents and cried if someone spoke to me. I was not always comfortable in my own skin and usually felt better if the attention was not on me. Now if I knew people and felt comfortable around them then I usually found myself in the middle of everything. I have always been comfortable running things from the sidelines and letting others have the spotlight. I am a doer. I like to do things for others rarely needing conformation just glad to help others do better.
Eddie and I were determined to not let our boys grow up insecure. We did not want them to feel the same pain I felt. We wanted to make them confident and comfortable going out into the world, living life and exploring all God's amazing creations. But in the same sense we wanted them to know how important family is and being present in each others lives is one of the greatest gifts you can give and receive even if you are not in the same place. We have to make an effort because time can get away from us.
Everyone grieves and heals in different ways. Some need the comfort of home, some may need to surround themselves with good friends and some may need to ride a bike 1000 miles through the mountains all while finding his way back home.
It is not easy to watch your child leave for a month and a half but knowing that having him stay would be the worst thing for him, makes it easier. Trusting him and his 3 good friends to take care of each other is not easy thing for this mom but I am confident that God will watch over them, keep them safe and bring them home better than they left. It is still hard to send him off knowing that the road he will travel, physically and emotionally, will be brutal but so worth it.
Sometimes, staying here and embracing your pain can be just as brave as venturing out into the world. We all find our way in our own time and in our own way. All I can do is say, "Zachary and Kade" live boldly and always find your way home. I love you both!
Thanks for listening,